I remember one time I slept over my friend Nolan’s house. I don’t remember how old but I remember playing Mario Kart. I remember getting homesick and asking his parents if I could call mine to pick me up. I remember trying to explain to an upset friend how I just really wanted to go home. There was nothing wrong with Nolan’s, I just wanted to be home. I remember how I felt when my parents picked me up and I got in the car. I remember coming home to a welcoming family where they made me feel better, and I slept in my own bed. I was really glad to be home.
I remember being invited to this kid Phillip’s birthday party. We were older, but still pretty young. I remember he had Lego sets all over his bedroom floor that his mom/dad put together for him. I remember thinking it was stupid that your parents did the fun part for you. I remember Phillip having a fit when I stumbled back and accidentally stepped on a set, breaking it apart. It hurt too.
I remember being in third grade and having some kid spit on me, it made me gag.
Anyway. Life is different now, I feel like things are starting to look up although I’m still wary of subscribing to this idea. I’ve really developed a bad sense of pessimism over the last few years. I’m finally back in school and classes are doing well. I’m looking forward to, more than anything else, going on co-op. Working in a real job, doing what I enjoy. I really hope things are still going well for me when it comes time for that. I still feel impatient, I want to fast forward to “serious time”. I know I should probably make the most of what I have now though. Work hard.
I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I still look back and regret stuff. But now I have things to look forward to. And that’s good.